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The 'reality' that we live in is made up of many different parts. There is the physical environment that surrounds us, the people we interact with, the relationships we have with those people and our environment, and of course there is ourselves. The emotions we feel when we respond to other people or our surroundings colours our reality. Our body and how it interacts with our environment, such as feeling cold or pain, adds more definition. And our mind and its thoughts definitely help define our reality; some might say they create our reality. Which of these elements do you think create yours?
If you are a Matrix-aficionado, or a Buddhist, you might think everything is only in your mind; that we create our own reality. But what about the tangible evidence of stubbing your toe on the couch? If you follow Sufi thought, then you may explain that this reality is real on its own plane of existence, but that there are other planes of existence operating on completely different definitions of reality; yet, each plane is real unto itself. There are many different ways to explain reality, and each can be argued as right or wrong.
There is a short experiment I would like you to try in order to help answer this question. All you need to do is relax while you visualize a scene in your mind's eye. As I take you through the scene, I would like you to play it in your mind as if it were really happening. Set your mind free to explore and allow yourself to go wherever it takes you. So, sit back comfortably, take a few deep breaths to relax yourself, and when you're ready, read on:
Imagine that you are walking through the park. It's a lovely, summer day. The sun is gently shining down through the trees and making pleasing patterns on the grass. The grass, the trees, the flowers, all seem to be freshly painted with bright lively colour. You are pleasantly warm. The wind is blowing gently, so you don't get too hot. It is calm and serene. You can hear the leaves rustling in the trees. Some squirrels are running and chattering nearby. You breathe in the fresh, invigorating air: it is bursting with the fresh fragrance of spring flowers. From yonder, the pleasant smell of some freshly baked bread greets your senses. Nearby, a butterfly floats by and lands on some beautiful, vibrant flowers. You are feeling at peace in this beautiful place, with not a worry in the world...
Now bring your attention to yourself and try to appreciate how your senses and emotions are responding to the above imagery. Take your time, and keep breathing nice, slow and deep as you continue to visualize the scene above and notice your body-mind's response. How are you feeling? Is your pulse racing or calm? Is your body relaxed or tensed up? What kind of thoughts are you thinking?
Now let's go back to the park...
You see a wooden bench on the grass ahead and decide to sit down. You sit for a moment to take in the beautiful scenery. All of a sudden, the wind shifts. You are washed over by the putrid smell of rotting garbage that makes you want to puke. You turn to your right and see an overflowing can of garbage just a few feet behind the bench. As you shift on the bench, it squeaks; a large startled rat jumps out of the garbage and scurries across. The next thing you know, a low deep growl comes from behind you. You jump around quickly and see a huge doberman pinscher creeping from behind a tree, staring right at you. Its frothing lips are pulled back as it growls, exposing its long, sharp teeth. Shivers run down your spine as the smell of the dog's breath reaches you.. Before you can react, the dog shoots towards you...only to run by the bench and chase the rat into the park. Still quivering from the experience, you breathe out a sigh of relief and get up to leave. As you stand, you feel the pull of gum on your pants. You don't need to look to know your favourite pants may now be ruined...
Now, bring your attention to your body-mind again. How did you react this time? Was your pulse still calm or did it start to race a bit when the rat jumped out from the garbage? How about when you saw the dog? Did you body get tensed up? How did you react when you smelled the garbage? Did your stomach churn a bit? What about sitting in the gum? Did it upset you or make you groan in a bit of exasperation?
In the first sequence, everything was lovely and calm. You saw butterflies fluttering past and squirrels playing. The smells were pleasant: bread and flowers. The sun kept you warm, and the wind made sure you didn't get too hot. The patterns on the grass and the vibrant colours were pleasing. In the second scenario, you encountered one unpleasant experience after another. First the smell of the garbage, then the encounter with the rat, and then the dog. While the dog didn't come after you, it appeared to be looking straight at you (although, it was probably looking past you at the rat), and you didn't know what it might do - a frightening situation. Then you got gum stuck on your favourite pair of pants, and we all know how frustrating that can be.
Through both of these scenarios, you may have noticed that your senses and emotions reacted in some way. As you imagined the sun shining on you, you might have felt a sense of warmth and comfort. When you smelled the bread on the wind, you might have started to salivate a little. Alternatively, the garbage smell may have made you recoil. Perhaps you felt a little adrenaline rush when the rat or dog entered the picture. When you stood up, did you feel the sensation of the gum pulling on your pants? You might have felt a sense of disappointment knowing that you had sat in gum.
What is interesting about all of these responses is that they occurred solely in your mind. Did you actually smell any of the smells? Did you actually see any of the animals? Did you really experience the sensation of gum pulling on your pants as you stood up? No. It was your mind that made the experience real for you. Outside your mind the experience did not exist. You see, it is possible for your mind to create a reality, an imaginary reality, and your senses and emotions start responding to it.
How is this useful in our everyday lives?
Sometimes, we fall into the trap of believing that an imaginary reality created by the mind is actually real. The accompanying emotional and sensory responses make it all feel very real to us, but in reality it has no existence outside of our minds.
The stimuli for such imaginary realities to be generated in our minds are variable. Most often the stimulus lies in negative past experiences. Perhaps it was a bad relationship; or perhaps it was an accusation of failure, or a betrayal of trust, or being ridiculed etc.; the list can go on. Past experiences are great fodder for the mind to influence our perception of the 'true reality' and create imaginary ones.
At times, our own unhelpful thinking habits can colour our everyday experiences in negative shades.
At other times, we may be going through a particularly rough time and unwittingly allow it to influence our mind to such an extent that everything else starts to appear bad as well. Again, an imaginary reality that feels real.
Years ago I was in a stressful relationship. I was pretty happy with my work and usually left in the morning in a good mood. On the way home however, I would think about my boyfriend and all the things that I thought were wrong in the relationship. My mind would churn over and chew on every slight. I would go back to the beginning of the relationship to rehash any bitter words and any occasions when I had felt injured or slighted in any way.
Can you imagine how distressed I felt by the time I got home? I'd enter and barely say hello to my boyfriend, much less look at him. How could I want to hold any conversation with someone I'd just fought with for 40 minutes?
Finally one day when I came stomping through the door my boyfriend said, "Why do you always have such a scowl on your face when you get home?" I remember flinching when he said that. I thought, "How could you not know?"
Then I realized it: how could he know? I had been fighting with him in my head, not in reality! I was interacting with my perception of him, not the person in the flesh. Yet, after an extended fight in my head, I was so wound up from my emotional responses that I could barely think anything positive about him.
That was a life changing moment for me. Suddenly, I realized that instead of taking an objective view of my situation, I was allowing the movie in my head to be my reality. Instead of communicating my concerns to my boyfriend, I was superimposing my own script over the situation and ignoring anything that didn't fit with the dialogues and interactions in my head. What needed to be done was a serious discussion with my boyfriend about why I wasn't happy in the relationship.
Letting the movie in your head dictate your life instead of objectively seeing reality is very common. Here is an example. Have you ever imagined yourself attaining a goal, but you hear a little voice in your head saying you (probably) can't do it? You try your best, but you aren't surprised when you fail. Why did you fail? Was it a lack of ability? More likely it was the underlying belief and self-talk that you would not achieve your goal which hamstrung you. You hoped you would succeed, but saw yourself failing in your head (then in future scenarios you recall this occasion further reinforcing your belief of not being good/talented/[insert adjective here] enough.
It is always worthwhile to step out and analyse the movie in your head. This movie is really just a form of self-talk and holds clues to the 'reality' we are living, whether it is real or imaginary. My example above of arriving home angry after a fight in my head is an imaginary reality, but the anger I felt was very real and the resulting negative interactions I had with my boyfriend were very real.
Over the next week, listen to how you are talking to yourself and watch what the movie in your head is playing. Pay careful attention to the words you use and the images you show yourself. Are you telling yourself that you are or aren't good enough? That you do or don't deserve it? That you can or can't achieve that goal? Is your inner movie playing scenarios of future failure or success? Or is it showing a never-ending highlight reel of the past? Is the highlight reel positive or negative? What future expectations are you seeing?
Now that you are aware of how your mind can switch between the past, present and future, improve your concentration to get better at watching your thoughts. The complimentary e-book "The Power of Concentration" from http://www.forthewholewoman.com/ has easy exercises to improve your concentration quickly. Get it now!
Amanda J Mirza is a writer, teacher, wife, and the publisher of the weekly newsletter For The Whole Woman available at http://www.forthewholewoman.com/.
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